My New Normal

I had the chance to take Ethan to the park today for a little father-son play time. As we were preparing to head out, Ethan cried over and over again that he wanted to walk...as best as he can communicate that. I packed up a small cooler for a snack (which we never actually broke into), picked him up and proceeded to carry him to the car. Once in the car and on the way, Ethan kept calling our for his bear which, of course, I couldn't find. This is his usual traveling companion in the car. After a few minutes, he resigned himself to the fact that there would be no bear for this trip and settled back quietly in his chair. We got stuck at one traffic light and Ethan let me know his displeasure...he hates getting stuck at traffic lights, something with a pause in the motion of the car I guess. When we arrived at the park, I unloaded our arsenal of equipment for our time at the park which included the small cooler and Ethan's walker. As I picked Ethan up, he spotted two dogs nearby and immediately began to giggle with glee. I carried him, the cooler and walker about 30 feet to the walking path and proceeded to get Ethan positioned properly to begin to use the walker. After a few brief moments of hesitation, he took off with his typical enthusiasm. As we walked he made a point of noticing every tree and seemed to be utterly delighted in looking up at the sky. He toughed out the uphill climb and made it about 75% of the way to the playground when he asked for me to pick him up. He was ready to swing!

I again loaded myself up with Ethan, the cooler and walker and made my way to the playground. Once there, he was giddy waiting to be loaded into the swing and a huge smile lit up his face when I began to push him. As he swang, he leaned his head as far back as possible and seemed thrilled by this different perspective. After a few minutes, he fixed his gaze on the slide and while reaching with his arm said "smide" or something to that effect. We spent the next few minutes trying out several different slides, each one meeting with the same joyous approval. From there we headed to the small tunnel and as he crawled through he said, "Daddy, happy." To which I replied, "When you're happy you....," and Ethan said "smile." At that moment, my face lit up with a smile.

The novelty of the tunnel wore off rather quickly and Ethan motioned for the grass. When I asked if he'd like to crawl, he replied, "Yes." So with that affirmation, to the grass we went. Crawling on the grass, he seemed to be in heaven...enjoying every minute. As I watched and walked along beside, I began to snap some pictures of him with my phone (see below) and my mind began to flood with thoughts.

As I observed the simple joy he was finding in his grassy adventure, the thought came to mind that about 3 years ago at this time I would have never imagined this moment. I had much different expectations and assumptions of what my little boy would be doing at this age. My daydreams of being with my son at the park included chasing a giggling little boy running through the grass saying, "Daddy, can't catch me." Or, having to tell him not to run too far away while he explores the grassy expanse on foot. Simultaneously, I had another set of thoughts filled with the awareness that I could still enjoy the moment as much as Ethan is. I can still chase a giggling little boy in the park. I can still make sure he doesn't get too far away during his exploration. So with that, I called out to Ethan, "You better watch out...Daddy is coming to get you!" His face once again filled with a smile and the laughter proceeded as his little arms and legs began to crawl as fast as he could make them go. As I approached one step at a time his anticipation grew and an uproar of giggles rushed out when I tickled him upon reaching him. We repeated this several times, in addition to holding him in my arms and spinning him round and round as fast as I could which was accompanied by more laughter. After those interchanges, we headed back for another round of sliding which was met with ever increasing amounts of smiles and laughter. As the sun started to set, I informed Ethan that we had to get back to the car. So once again, I positioned him in his walker. This time he bolted forward chuckling as he went and occasionally showing off his strength by lifting up the front of the walker. I turned him around and pointed him toward to car and off he went. Every 10 or 20 feet, he would stop, look backwards, hear a squeaking swing and crack up laughing. This went on for a good 300 or 400 feet at which time Ethan indicated he was ready for me to pick him up and carry him the rest of the way to the car.

As I picked him up along with rest of the arsenal of equipment, I couldn't help but be overcome with the joy that exudes from my son and the fun we had together. In spite of his challenges, he allows himself to savor the moment and shares his enthusiasm with those around him. All things considered, this was a fairly typical time at the park for us filled with the usual activities. Yet, somehow, this time I left with the awareness that though these past few years with Ethan have been a significant change from my expectations...I'm finding a new normal flowing from the adaptations and everyday joy that Ethan has brought my way.

Thank you son for that gift and a terrifically, typical day at the park!